Animals Jokes
Hilarious animal jokes and stories
101 jokes in this category
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why don't elephants use computers? They're afraid of the mouse.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side.
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
Why don't ants get sick? They have tiny ant-ibodies.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear.
Why did the spider go to the computer? To check his website.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Why did the duck go to rehab? He was a quack addict.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
What do you call a fish with a bowtie? So-fish-ticated.
What do you call a bear with no ears? B.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
What do you call a cow that can cut the grass? A lawn-moo-er.
What do you call a pig that loses its memory? Hamm-nesia.
What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
What is a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
What do you call a sleeping wolf? An un-aware wolf.
What happens when a frogâs car breaks down? It gets toad away.
What do you call a bear that jumps up and down? A rubber bear.
What do you call a cat that eats lemons? A sour-puss.
What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.
Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
What kind of dog likes to take a bath? A sham-poodle.
What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk.
What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
What do you call a thieving alligator? A crookodile.
What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moo-sician.
Why do giraffes have long necks? Because they have smelly feet.
What do you call a snake who builds things? A boa constructor.
What is a frog's favorite drink? Croak-a-cola.
What do you call a monkey that loves potato chips? A chipmunk.
What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear? Anything you want, he can't hear you.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.
What do you call a dog that makes its own clothes? A designer dog.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do you call a group of cats playing instruments? A mew-sical.
What do you call a wolf that meditates? A ware-wolf.
What animal needs to wear a wig? A bald eagle.
What do you call a dog floating in water? A good buoy.
What do you call a goat that acts like a human? Billy.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A candy baa.
What do you call a crying camel? A hump-back wail.
What do you call a donkey with three legs? A wonky donkey.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom.
What do you call a snake that's 3.14 meters long? A Pi-thon.
What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken.
What do you call a very old antelope? A grandpa-lope.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.
What do you call a shark that delivers toys? Santa Jaws.
What do you call a clam that sells phones? A shell phone.
What do you call a happy penguin? A Pen-grin.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri-tip.
What do you call a magic owl? Hoodini.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
What do you call a bird that is sad? A bluebird.
What do you call a dog that tells jokes? A stand-pup comedian.
What do you call a cat that goes to the beach? Sandy Claws.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A tunee fish.
What do you call a zebra with no stripes? A horse.
What do you call a lion that likes to dress up? A dandy lion.
What do you call a parrot that flew away? Polygon.
What do you call a pig with three eyes? Piiig.
What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey.
What do you call a turtle who is famous? A shell-ebrity.
What do you call a bat that knows karate? Combat.
What do you call a owl with a sore throat? A bird that doesn't give a hoot.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.
What do you call a bear with a positive attitude? Bear-able.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
What do you call a sleeping pig? A pig-let.
What do you call a horse that canât stop talking? Chatterbox.