Dad Jokes Jokes
Classic dad humor that makes you groan
101 jokes in this category
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A king fish.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A cat-astrophe.
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear.
Why did the kid throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
What do you call a sleeping pizza? A piZZZa.
Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A sham rock.
Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert? Because they're always stuffed.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
Deal Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks tight on you.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke him up.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
Making mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
The shovel was a path-breaking invention.
I submitted 10 puns to a contest. I hoped one would win, but no pun in ten did.
"Dad, I'm cold." "Go stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees."
"Dad, I'm hungry." "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad."
I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints.
Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall down a hill. Baa-dumm-tss.
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
Can February March? No, but April May.
How does a train eat? It goes chew, chew.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn't have the guts.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize.
What do you call a man who can't stand? Neil.
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Do-you-think-he-saw-us.
What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog? Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex.
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and count on the middle.
I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.
What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain.
Thinking about a career as a mirror inspector. I could really see myself doing that.
My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
What do you call a pony with a cough? A little hoarse.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 Detour.
Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.
Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.
What does a house wear? Address.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.